火焰木棉: “找到适合自己的作品，既能保留热爱，又能守住自己的主体性。” Huo Yan Mu Mian: “Finding work that suits you allows you to preserve your passion while maintaining your sense of self.”
简介：棉棉（火焰木棉）是一位用有趣、简单易懂的方式拆解性别议题自媒体博主与活动主理人。从早年深入二次元文化、cosplay，到如今深耕女性成长赛道，她以持续五年的自媒体创业实践，完成了一场从"被凝视"到"找回主体性"的自我蜕变。同时也是全网千万播放的两性情感微综艺编导及主持、原创女性话剧「"她"的心声」主创之一、原创子宫IP"宫仔"创作者——她的创作横跨视频、剧场、活动、插画，始终围绕一个核心：让女性的真实声音被听见。作为"女哇!践行社"主理人，她持续将线上表达延伸至线下行动，从内容创作者成长为女性主义研究者与实践者。她相信真正的女性力量，在于敢于撕掉标签、夺回对自己身体的命名权与话语权，并期待以"赛博姐妹"的身份，陪伴更多女孩在具体生活里确认"我值得"。
1. 我们在您的视频中看到了您很真诚地分享自己从小时候受二次元擦边文化严重影响到做自媒体在网络上揭露女性困境并呼吁平权的经历，请问什么样的契机让您走进了女性主义呢？
其实契机是两个东西同时撞在一起的。
一个是我当时已经在cos擦边的圈子里待了很久，虽然能赚点钱，但整个人非常不舒服——我不知道自己的未来在哪，是不是只能空有一副皮囊，然后被男性牵着鼻子走。那种迷茫和窒息感已经很强烈了。
就在那个节点，我在B站刷到了一个女性博主分享《厌女》这本书的观点。我当时看完就是"哇"的一声，感觉新世界的大门被打开了。以前从来没有往这个方向想过，但那些观点一下子解释了我所有的不舒服。我立刻买了书，完整看完以后，整个人通透了——不仅理解了社会是怎么运转的，也理解了我自己过去在做什么、为什么会那么痛苦。
几乎同时，我认识了一群完全不玩cosplay的女生，她们就是专注把自己的生活过得精彩。这两件事撞在一起，让我第一次意识到：原来女生可以活出完全不同的样子，不是只有被观看、被消费那一条路。
那本书给我的舒适感和通透感太强烈了，自那以后我就一本接一本地看女性主义书籍。每看一本都像在给自己的人生找答案，也在疗愈自己。就这么一直看到现在，慢慢搭建起了自己的知识网络，也希望继续在这个领域深耕下去。
2. 很多低龄小女孩都是二次元，她们也许对二次元的热爱是从动漫故事/游戏角色等很基本的元素开始的，但当现实中为爱发电出cos时却出现cos装越来越暴露的现象，您怎么看这种趋势呢？
这个趋势确实挺常见的，我自己小时候也是顺着类似的方向一步步走过来的。
很小的时候接触这些内容，小女孩的判断力还在成长中。而且她们往往处在信息茧房里，周围人都在玩cosplay、都在出比较暴露的角色，各种商业推广也在往那个方向引导——她们很难意识到这有什么问题。
我觉得这个趋势和动漫文化本身的一些特点有关。日本动漫产业比较成熟，但里面确实普遍存在不太尊重女性的内容，比如物化女性、把女性角色当作观赏对象等。这些观念渗透得很深，几乎融入到大部分作品里，所以很难完全规避。
但生在这一代的女生是幸运的。互联网越来越发达，觉醒意识越来越早，很多小女生从初中就开始意识到这些问题了。她们会在网上看到女生的发声、看到互相讨论，会从小意识到某些动漫观念和服装是有问题的。她们会互相提醒：小心，不要掉进这个陷阱。
所以这个趋势正在往好的方向走。不像以前，现在越来越多的女生开始清醒。只要我们持续发声——指出这个圈子里存在的不平等观念、指出需要警惕的地方——就能帮助更多正在受影响的小女孩。
而且未来，我们这一代长大了，有了自己的孩子，也会从小教育他们：看动漫时要独立思考，学会筛选，保留自己的判断。这样就能规避掉很多风险。
3. 您觉得有可能保留对二次元的热爱同时又能捍卫权利和主体性呢？如果有的话，能分享一下您的想法吗？
我觉得是有可能的。
现在的年轻女孩们觉醒意识越来越早了，她们会主动筛选内容。以前动漫推荐基本都是男性视角主导，但现在我看到有女孩子站出来，用女性视角做新番导视——分析哪些作品适合女生看、哪些存在问题、哪些可以部分看。这种理性的筛选和推荐，能帮助大家过滤掉不适合的内容，找到真正有意思、尊重女性的作品。
这样既能保留对二次元的热爱，也能守住自己的边界。
而且我觉得女生要主动去寻找和支持这类作品。我们的观看就是投票，多支持女性友好、平等视角的内容，未来市场上这类作品才会越来越多。
游戏方面也是类似的。现在大部分游戏还是男性主导制作的，里面一些魅男元素确实比较明显。这个领域我了解不多，但大家可以去关注女性博主、女性游戏推荐人的建议。
总之，清醒的声音越来越多，女性视角的内容也越来越丰富，这是个很好的方向。大家可以通过主动筛选和寻找，找到适合自己的作品，既能保留热爱，又能守住自己的主体性。
4.既然谈到二次元，老师可以推荐一些女性友好向的动漫或游戏等作品吗？
动漫和游戏方面，我玩过的、看过的，多多少少都会有些不太舒服的地方，很难说有完全“没问题”的作品。因为现在整个大环境就是这样，几乎每部作品里多少都会有些雷点，所以我也不太敢做具体推荐。
如果大家想找相对好一些的，建议去关注女性博主做的新番导视，或者女性做的游戏推荐。
她们会更具体地分析每部作品的问题在哪，哪些可以看看、哪些需要避雷，推荐也会更贴合女生的视角和需求。
5.在有关女性主义的视频创作中您肯定有遇到不少波折，您认为目前在互联网上作为女性争取权利和发声的最大困境是什么？
最大的困境我觉得有两个方面。
一个是平台审核的尺度问题。有些平台对女性议题的内容审核会比较敏感，哪怕只是正常讨论性别相关话题，也可能被误判或限制传播。所以创作者需要花很多精力去研究怎么表达既能传递观点，又能让内容顺利发出来，这其实挺消耗心力的。
另一个是舆论环境。有些平台的评论区氛围不太好，会有很多比较传统的声音，甚至往极端方向带节奏，创作者有被网暴的风险。我之前就经历过一次，后来处理好了，但如果没有比较强的心理素质和周围朋友的支持，确实很难坚持下去。
所以对我来说，现在创作的前提是先保护好自己——在能发声的范围内尽量说，同时也要学会规避不必要的风险。
6.您在很多视频中都通过情节演绎敏锐地指出了看似流行合理但实则很厌女的行为和话语，请问这份“敏感”您是如何发展养成和保持的呢？
首先是我看了很多女性主义相关的书籍，慢慢建立了自己的认知框架。当你对这个体系有一定了解之后，就能比较敏锐地察觉到一些隐藏在日常中的不平等观念。
这些观念其实从小就渗透在我们的教育和各种作品里，以前我们是意识不到的。但一旦你开始了解，就会发现很多地方都有问题。
我觉得保持这份敏锐是好事。因为保持敏锐，才知道如何去一点点调整自己，也能温和地提醒身边的人。身边的人意识到了，也会慢慢改变。这样我们就能共同往一个更平等、更尊重彼此的方向走。
7.您认为现今网络传播中的信息茧房会如何影响女性主义的传播呢，需要怎样才能冲破这一层茧房使女权这个话题深入更广泛的人群呢？
信息茧房确实是个很大的问题。我自己刷到的视频大部分都是女性主义相关的内容，所以有时候会觉得好像周围的女性都已经有了这方面的意识。但真正走出互联网看看，大部分人其实是不了解女性主义的。
这就是信息茧房的局限——我们以为"大家都知道了"，其实还远着呢。
要突破这个茧房，我觉得有两个方向。
一个是线上内容的日常化和温和化表达。让周围不太理解的人也能一点点了解：我们想传递的并不是"男女对立"，而是追求一个对大家都更好的社会，是"把蛋糕做大"而不是"抢蛋糕"。从柔和的方式开始，不是把知识强加给每一个人，而是让内容更容易被接受、更容易进入日常对话。
另一个是从生活中去影响周围的人。我们已经有一些独立思考和自我保护的意识，可以通过自己的行动，去帮助身边的女生，让她们感受到：原来女生也可以这样活、这样思考。通过这种一点点行动的感染，让周围的女生感受到不一样的能量，她们也可能会主动去了解这方面的知识。
线上线下结合起来，才能慢慢冲破这层茧房。
8. 我们了解到您举办了许多场给予女性的声音的舞台，戏剧，大会等等，您的出发点是什么，是如何举办的这些舞台，以及您最深的感悟和有意义的经历是什么呢？
出发点很简单，就是希望女性的经历能被更多人看见——不管是女生还是男生，不同年龄段的人，都能了解到女性的声音和处境。所以我才会变着方法去发声、去创造不同的舞台。
印象最深刻的是和几位主创一起制作《她的心声》这部女性原创话剧。我把自己的真实经历——cosplay擦边那段过去——落地成了一段话剧故事，把我的经历、想法、成长剖析出来，用话剧的形式表达。
这个过程真的非常疗愈。如果没有这次话剧，我可能还没那么快能清晰地剖析曾经的自己，也没那么快做出那条视频。因为能那么坦诚地面对过去，需要非常大的勇气。写脚本的过程中，我痛哭了无数次，不断回忆、打开、看见曾经的自己。成长的过程很痛苦，但当它呈现在舞台上，让不同年龄、不同性别的人都看到之后，我觉得是时候了——我已经成长了，可以让更多人了解这段过去，也给他们一些不同的视角和经验。
这次话剧还邀请了我的爸爸妈妈来看，还有很多观众的爸爸妈妈也来了，有男生有女生，不同年龄层都有。所以我觉得这次经历真的非常有意义，也让我感悟很深。
最近还和小伙伴一起办了"自在说PK大赛"，在这个过程中也感受到了女生们的力量和表达。她们的声音带给其他女孩的能量，是很难在普通圈子里感受到的，太珍贵了。
所以我会持续用不同的、好玩的形式，去分享女性的经历和处境，让更多人了解并做出改变。
9. 您的很多视频探讨了女性作为被审判的客体所面临的处境，那么我们可以如何从日常生活中一点点增强自我的主体性，对抗男权社会的凝视和评判呢？
我觉得女孩子一定要持续学习、持续进步，同时要有稳定的收入来源——不管是自己赚的，还是家庭给的托举。经济独立才能脱离对可能有危险的人的依赖，才有更多精力去提升自己的主体性。
在阅读的过程中，也能慢慢了解自己真正想要什么，脱离一些女性才会经历的创伤。如果普通书籍给不了你答案，真的很建议多读女性主义相关的书。你会更了解自己性格形成的原因，慢慢脱离那种从小被教育成的讨好型人格。知道了"为什么会变成这样"，就能破局——知道女孩子可以硬气、可以生气、可以用各种方式保护自己的权益。
我曾经就是一个非常没有主体性、非常柔弱顺从的性格，当时觉得这是"受很多人喜爱的"，没觉得有问题。但看了女性主义的书之后，才知道因为这个性格吃了多少亏，反而让我进入了一个对我不利的圈子。后来我开始直面自己内心真正想要的东西，找到了真正的性格，才敢在很多事上做拒绝和取舍。
前段时间有个女孩，以前玩cosplay时认识的，看到我朋友圈的女性活动就来报名了。她说："棉棉你以前也玩cos，怎么现在开始做这些了？我也想像你一样坚定找到自己喜爱的东西。"
她的性格让我看到了曾经的自己——柔软、单纯、不敢拒绝、很顺从。前段时间她还截图给我看她熟人男性发来的很油腻、很没礼貌的"告白"，她说觉得好恶心。但她在聊天记录里，依然回复了这个男性，虽然是很冷漠地表示拒绝，但她还是回复了。最后我说"你可以拉黑"，她才选择拉黑。
就是能感受到，性格稍微柔弱顺从一点，就会让觉得你"很好控制"的男性来冒犯你。
所以我的建议是：不是要努力去改变自己的性格，而是清晰地知道哪些事情让你不舒服、你不想要。清晰感受到这份不舒服之后，马上让对方知道——告知对方、保护自己，成为所谓的"母老虎"去对待这件事。当女生敢生气了，有这种主体性的思想之后，越来越多的女生就会敢直面自己的愤怒，男生也就不敢轻易冒犯了。
10. 女性主义如果深挖其实涉及到性别研究，是很专业学术的一门研究，对于想要入门或想更深入了解性别相关社会问题的朋友们，您有什么推荐的书籍/视频等资料或学习方法吗？
首先推荐上野千鹤子的书，她基本是用真实案例来剖析，比较好读、好入门，我自己就是从她的书开始入门的。
其次是播客，现在有很多女性主播分享经验、阅读和采访，内容很有女性力量。具体节目我就不推荐了，大家直接去社交媒体上搜索"女性播客推荐"，非常多，我基本每天都在听。
还有可以多看看美剧、英剧，欧美市场的女性主义发展比较成熟，影视作品里多多少少带有女本位思想，也有很多清醒的爱情故事，不容易让人变恋爱脑。
另外也可以关注一些专门讲女性主义的女性博主，听听她们的分享。现在入门的渠道真的很多。
把这些基础内容了解之后，如果还想深入，可以再读一些学术性的书籍。不过我现在也在啃这类书，确实很难读——有些翻译不太好，一段话读完都不太懂在讲什么，一页可能要读很久。所以还是建议先从基础入门开始。
11. 最后您可以给那些平时被那些厌女梗所裹挟，想发声但现实中又有些犹豫的女孩一些勇敢表达上的建议和鼓励吗？
我觉得缺乏勇气的一个很大原因，可能是还没找到能接纳自己的圈子。所以我的建议是：
可以先在网上试着发一些文字，或者在你认可的观点下面留言评论，慢慢加入一些有共鸣的群聊和圈子。先拓宽自己的支持网络，从中更深入地了解相关知识，这个圈子也会给你带来很多底气。
有了这些底气和分享渠道之后，你们可以多交流，慢慢找到合适的话语方式，在现实生活中温和地指出那些让你不舒服的事情。
因为当你有了这些意识之后，可能在现实社会中确实很难得到理解。尤其是当周围充斥着一些老旧观念时，你想表达不舒服，可能会被说成"极端"或"搞对立"，这会让人觉得很孤立。所以我们要先让自己找到支持、获得底气，再慢慢向外去表达。
前提是一定要先保护好自己，然后再开始行动。
关于鼓励的话——虽然现在了解这些的人在现实社会中还不算多，但要相信这个社会的发展速度，大家成长得很快。未来会有越来越多的女孩子清醒过来，变得有主体性。你会遇到越来越多这样的人，我们可以互相给予力量。
只要我们持续发声，就能让更多人知道，哪怕只是改变周围一点点让女生不舒服的情况，世界也是在往好的方向发展的。
所以不用气馁，也不用感到孤独。相信自己。
采访者：Nina
Introduction:
Mianmian (Huo Yan Mu Mian) is a content creator and community organizer who makes gender issues accessible through engaging and easy-to-understand content. From her early immersion in anime culture and cosplay to her current work in women's empowerment, she has spent five years building a self-media career while undergoing a profound transformation—from being objectified under the male gaze to reclaiming her own subjectivity. She is also the writer and host of a relationship-themed micro variety show with tens of millions of views, one of the creators of the original feminist stage production Her Voice, and the creator of the original uterus-themed IP character "Gongzai." Her work spans videos, theater, events, and illustration, all centered around one core mission: allowing women's authentic voices to be heard. As the founder of Girl Wow! Action Community, she continues to extend online advocacy into offline action, evolving from a content creator into a feminist researcher and practitioner. She believes that true female empowerment lies in daring to tear off imposed labels, reclaim ownership over one's body and the language used to define it, and hopes to accompany more girls—as a "cyber sister"—in discovering, through everyday life, that "I am worthy."
1. In many of your videos, you've openly shared your journey from being deeply influenced by the sexualized aspects of anime culture as a child to becoming a content creator who exposes women's struggles online and advocates for gender equality. What led you to feminism?
There were really two things happening at the same time.
First, I had already spent a long time in the cosplay scene, especially the more sexually suggestive side of it. Although I could make some money, I felt deeply uncomfortable. I couldn't see a future for myself. I wondered if my only value was my appearance, if I would always be led around by what men wanted. That sense of confusion and suffocation had already become overwhelming.
Around that time, I came across a female creator on Bilibili discussing the ideas in The Gaze of the Other Woman (Misogyny). I remember thinking, "Wow." It felt like a whole new world had opened up. I had never considered things from that perspective before, but suddenly all of my discomfort made sense. I immediately bought the book. After finishing it, I felt completely transformed. Not only did I begin to understand how society functions, but I also understood what I had been doing all those years—and why it had made me so unhappy.
At almost the same time, I met a group of women who had nothing to do with cosplay. They were simply focused on building fulfilling lives for themselves. Those two experiences collided, and for the first time I realized that women could live in completely different ways. We didn't have to exist only to be watched or consumed.
The clarity and relief that book gave me were unforgettable. After that, I began reading one feminist book after another. Every book felt like it answered another question about my life while helping me heal. Over time, I gradually built my own framework of knowledge, and I hope to continue studying this field more deeply.
2. Many young girls enter anime culture because they genuinely love the stories or characters, but when they begin cosplaying in real life, costumes often become increasingly revealing. How do you view this trend?
This trend is indeed very common. I experienced something similar myself when I was younger.
When girls are introduced to these communities at a very young age, their critical thinking is still developing. They're often surrounded by people who all cosplay, wear increasingly revealing costumes, and are constantly influenced by commercial promotions pushing them in the same direction. It's difficult for them to recognize that anything might be wrong.
I think this trend is also connected to certain characteristics of the anime industry itself. Japan has a highly developed anime industry, but many works unfortunately contain elements that objectify women or present female characters primarily as objects to be admired. These ideas have become deeply embedded across countless works, making them difficult to completely avoid.
However, I also think girls today are fortunate. The internet has made information far more accessible, and feminist awareness is developing much earlier than before. Many girls begin recognizing these issues as early as middle school. They see other women speaking up online and discussing these problems together. They start realizing that some of the ideas and costume designs they've grown up with are problematic. They remind one another: "Be careful. Don't fall into this trap."
That's why I think things are gradually improving. Compared to the past, more and more girls are becoming aware. As long as we continue speaking up—pointing out the inequalities within these communities and encouraging people to think critically—we can help more young girls avoid these pitfalls.
Looking ahead, when our generation grows up and becomes parents ourselves, we can teach our children from an early age to think independently when watching anime, to evaluate what they consume critically, and to preserve their own judgment. That will help prevent many of these problems.
3. Do you think it's possible to continue loving anime culture while also protecting one's rights and sense of agency? If so, how?
Absolutely.
Young women today are becoming aware much earlier, and they're learning to actively filter what they consume. In the past, anime recommendations were largely shaped by male perspectives. Now I'm seeing more young women producing seasonal anime recommendation videos from feminist perspectives—analyzing which series are enjoyable for female audiences, which contain problematic elements, and which are worth watching with some caution. This kind of thoughtful filtering helps people avoid content that isn't healthy while discovering works that genuinely respect women.
In this way, it's entirely possible to maintain a love for anime while also protecting your personal boundaries.
I also believe women should actively seek out and support these kinds of works. Every viewing choice is effectively a vote. The more we support female-friendly and gender-equal content, the more the market will produce those kinds of stories in the future.
The same principle applies to video games. Most games are still created by male-dominated development teams, so certain male-oriented design choices remain common. I don't know that field as well, but I would encourage people to follow female creators and reviewers who recommend games from women's perspectives.
Overall, more and more clear-headed voices are emerging, and there is an increasing amount of female-centered content available. That's an encouraging direction. By actively filtering what we consume and seeking out better works, we can continue enjoying anime while maintaining our own subjectivity.
4. Since we're talking about anime, could you recommend any female-friendly anime or games?
To be honest, almost every anime or game I've experienced contains something that makes me uncomfortable to some extent. It's difficult to say that any work is completely free of problematic elements because the broader industry still has many structural issues.
For anyone looking for relatively better recommendations, I'd encourage following female content creators who produce seasonal anime guides or recommend games from women's perspectives.
They usually explain in detail what issues exist within each work, which ones are relatively safe to enjoy, and which ones should be avoided. Their recommendations are often much more relevant to women's experiences and needs.
5. You've undoubtedly faced many challenges while creating feminist content online. What do you think is the biggest obstacle to advocating for women's rights on today's internet?
I think there are two major challenges.
The first is platform moderation. On some platforms, content related to women's issues is reviewed much more strictly. Even ordinary discussions about gender may be mistakenly flagged or have their reach restricted. As creators, we have to spend a great deal of time figuring out how to express our ideas in ways that both communicate our message and avoid being taken down. That can be emotionally exhausting.
The second challenge is the online environment itself. Comment sections on some platforms can be extremely hostile. Traditional viewpoints are often amplified, and discussions can quickly become polarized. Female creators also face the risk of online harassment. I experienced a major wave of cyberbullying myself. Fortunately, I managed to get through it, but without strong emotional resilience and support from friends, it would have been very difficult to continue.
For me, protecting myself has become the prerequisite for creating content. I speak up as much as I can within safe boundaries while also learning how to minimize unnecessary risks.
6. Many of your videos use storytelling to expose behaviors and attitudes that seem normal but are actually rooted in misogyny. How did you develop—and continue to maintain—this sensitivity?
The biggest reason is that I've read many feminist books, which gradually helped me build a framework for understanding gender issues. Once you have that framework, you begin noticing inequalities that were previously invisible in everyday life.
These ideas are woven into our education and the media we've consumed since childhood. Before learning about feminism, we often don't recognize them. But once you do, you start seeing them everywhere.
I actually think maintaining this sensitivity is a positive thing. It allows us to recognize areas where we ourselves can continue growing, while also gently helping people around us become more aware. As those around us begin changing too, we collectively move toward a society that's more equal and more respectful.
7. How do you think information bubbles affect the spread of feminism online, and how can we break through those bubbles to reach broader audiences?
Information bubbles are definitely a significant challenge. Most of the content I see online is already related to feminism, so sometimes it feels as though everyone around me shares this awareness. But once you step outside the internet, you realize that most people actually know very little about feminism.
That's exactly how information bubbles work—they make us believe everyone already understands these issues when, in reality, there's still a long way to go.
I think there are two ways to break through.
The first is making online content more approachable and grounded in everyday life. We need to help people understand that feminism isn't about creating conflict between men and women. It's about building a society that's better for everyone—expanding the pie rather than fighting over it. Instead of forcing ideas onto people, we should communicate them in ways that naturally become part of everyday conversations.
The second approach is influencing the people around us through our own actions. Once we've developed independent thinking and stronger self-protection, we can support other women in our lives and show them different ways of living and thinking. Through these everyday examples, they may become interested in learning more themselves.
Only by combining online advocacy with real-world action can we gradually break through these information bubbles.
8. You've organized many events—from theater productions to public forums—that amplify women's voices. What inspired these projects, how did you organize them, and what has been your most meaningful experience?
The motivation has always been very simple: I want women's experiences to be seen by more people—women, men, young people, older generations—everyone. That's why I keep experimenting with different ways of speaking up and creating new platforms.
The most unforgettable experience was co-creating the original feminist play Her Voice. I transformed my own experience with sexualized cosplay into one of the play's stories. It became an opportunity to honestly examine my past, my growth, and everything I had experienced.
The process was incredibly healing. Without that play, I don't think I would have been able to make the video where I openly discussed my past. Being that honest required tremendous courage. While writing the script, I cried countless times as I revisited and confronted earlier versions of myself. Growth is painful. But once the story was finally performed on stage and seen by audiences of different ages and genders, I felt ready. I had truly grown, and I could finally allow others to understand that chapter of my life while offering them a different perspective.
My parents came to watch the performance, as did many audience members' parents. There were women and men of all ages in the audience. That made the experience especially meaningful to me.
More recently, my friends and I also organized the "Speak Freely PK Competition." During that event, I witnessed the incredible power of women's voices. The energy women give one another in these spaces is something that's very difficult to find elsewhere. It's incredibly precious.
That's why I want to continue creating different, engaging formats for sharing women's experiences and encouraging more people to understand them and create change.
9. Many of your videos discuss how women are constantly treated as objects to be judged. How can women gradually strengthen their sense of subjectivity in everyday life and resist patriarchal scrutiny?
I think women should continue learning, continue growing, and strive for financial stability—whether through their own income or family support. Financial independence makes it much easier to avoid depending on people who may be harmful and gives women greater freedom to develop their own agency.
Reading also helps us better understand what we genuinely want instead of what we've been taught to want. If ordinary books don't provide those answers, I sincerely recommend reading feminist literature. It helps explain why we developed certain personalities and behaviors, especially people-pleasing tendencies. Once you understand why you became this way, you can begin breaking free. You realize that women are allowed to be assertive, allowed to feel angry, and allowed to protect themselves.
I used to be extremely submissive and lacked any real sense of agency. At the time, I thought being gentle and accommodating made me more likable. I didn't see anything wrong with it. Only after reading feminist books did I realize how much that personality had harmed me and drawn me into environments that weren't good for me. Eventually, I began facing what I truly wanted, discovering my authentic personality, and learning to say no.
Recently, a girl I knew from my cosplay days signed up for one of my feminist events after seeing it on my social media. She asked me, "You used to cosplay too. How did you end up doing this kind of work? I want to become as confident as you are and find something I truly love."
Her personality reminded me so much of my younger self—kind, gentle, unable to refuse others, always trying to accommodate everyone. Not long ago, she showed me screenshots of an extremely inappropriate and disrespectful confession from a man she knew. She said it made her feel disgusted. Yet she still replied politely, even though it was a rejection. I simply told her, "You can block him." Only then did she actually block him.
That experience reminded me how women who are especially accommodating often become targets for men who assume they'll be easy to manipulate.
So my advice isn't necessarily to change your personality. Instead, become very clear about what makes you uncomfortable and what you do not want. Once you recognize that discomfort, communicate it immediately. Tell the other person. Protect yourself. Become the so-called "tigress" when necessary. Once women become comfortable expressing anger and protecting their own boundaries, more women will feel empowered to do the same, and fewer men will feel entitled to disrespect them.
10. Feminism ultimately connects to the academic field of gender studies. For people who want to begin learning—or study these issues more deeply—what books, videos, or learning methods would you recommend?
I would first recommend the books of Chizuko Ueno. She often analyzes real-life cases, making her writing accessible for beginners. Her books were also my own introduction to feminism.
I also highly recommend podcasts. There are now many female podcast hosts discussing personal experiences, books, and interviews that carry a strong sense of female empowerment. Rather than recommending specific shows, I'd simply suggest searching social media for "recommended feminist podcasts." There are many excellent options, and I personally listen to them almost every day.
Watching American and British television can also be helpful. Feminist ideas have developed relatively further in those media industries, so many shows naturally incorporate female-centered perspectives and portray healthier romantic relationships that don't encourage unhealthy emotional dependence.
In addition, I recommend following female creators who focus specifically on feminism. There are many different ways to begin learning today.
Once you've built a solid foundation, you can move on to more academic books. I'm currently working through those myself, and I have to admit they're difficult. Some translations aren't particularly clear, and sometimes I spend a long time trying to understand a single page. That's why I recommend starting with accessible materials first before moving into more theoretical texts.
11. Finally, what would you like to say to girls who are surrounded by misogynistic jokes, want to speak up, but still hesitate in real life?
I think one major reason people lack courage is that they haven't yet found a community where they feel accepted.
My advice is to start small. Try posting your thoughts online, or leave comments under viewpoints you agree with. Gradually join communities where people share similar values. Expand your support network first. Those communities will not only deepen your understanding but also give you confidence.
Once you've gained that confidence and found people to share with, you can gradually begin expressing yourself in real life and gently point out situations that make you uncomfortable.
Because once you become aware of these issues, reality can feel very lonely. When you're surrounded by older ways of thinking, expressing discomfort may lead people to accuse you of being "too extreme" or "trying to create conflict." That isolation can be painful. That's why it's important to first build a support system that gives you confidence before gradually reaching outward.
Above all, protect yourself first. Then begin taking action.
As for encouragement, I want to say this: although not many people fully understand these issues today, society is changing remarkably quickly. More and more girls will become aware of their own agency. You'll meet more people who think like you, and together you'll be able to support one another.
As long as we continue speaking up, more people will become aware. Even if we only improve the lives of the women immediately around us, the world is still moving in a better direction.
So don't lose heart. And don't feel alone.
Believe in yourself.
Interviewer: Nina
