跑跑天使：“我不认为女性主义应该成为审判女性的新标准” Running Angel (Pao Pao Tian Shi): “I don’t think feminism should be another standard held upon women”

在社交媒体上，“独立女性”“女性力量”“爱自己”正成为越来越流行的标签。从不婚不育的“大女主”叙事，到“脱美役”与性解放的讨论，年轻女性正在通过互联网重新思考身体、欲望、婚姻与自我价值。然而，当女性主义逐渐成为一种可供消费的生活方式，当“独立”被塑造成另一套标准答案，我们又该如何理解真正的女性自主？

跑跑是一名女性主义内容创作者，也是一位穿搭博主。从分享时尚穿搭到公开讨论性别偏见、亲密关系与女性欲望，她的创作经历折射出中国社交媒体上女性表达方式的变化。对她而言，女性主义并不意味着拒绝美丽，而是让女性拥有选择不同生活方式的权利。

在这次采访中，我们与跑跑探讨了网络“独立女性”形象与现实生活之间的落差、女性主义表达的商业化与平台审查，以及性解放和亲密关系中的复杂矛盾。从个人经历出发，她回答了一个贯穿当代女性主义讨论的问题：当女性不再需要按照传统社会的期待生活时，我们又该如何避免为自己创造另一套必须遵守的标准？

个人简介：我是跑跑，是女性主义内容创作者，也是穿搭博主。穿搭和表达，都是我的出口。我擅长从个人经历切入，去拆解身边的性别偏见和父权逻辑。我很喜欢聊性、聊欲望，也聊女性在现实中真实的困惑与挣扎。希望我的账号，能带给你一点往前走的力量和勇气。

1. 你最初主要分享时尚、穿搭类内容。是什么促使你后来开始讨论女性主义、性别议题和女性经历？这个转变对你的账号和受众产生了什么影响？ 

这个转变不是突然发生的，而是一个慢慢累积的过程。

最早我在分享穿搭的时候，就已经会穿插一些女性主义、性别议题和我个人的经历，只是形式比较随意，比如发和朋友聊天的记录、写文字、转发我觉得有启发的播客或视频。身为女性，日常面对的性别偏见和男性凝视，都驱使着我去表达。 

但那时候我还在上大学，完全没有“做账号”的概念。真正开始决定认真做自媒体，是毕业后。我开始在工作之余拍穿搭视频，一心想成为穿搭博主。这个过程让我学会了怎么正式做一个作品：怎么拍摄、出镜、做封面和标题，也让我面对镜头更有信心。 

穿搭内容有了一些流量后，我想被看到的心情更强烈了，想火，想红。但我也意识到，做自媒体要提供利他价值，不然就算爆了一条，也不会有多少人关注你。于是我就想，要不尝试拍搭配思路的视频，但我又很难垂直，所以也没激起什么水花。

真正的转折，是我看到喜欢的女性博主“浑身没毛”的一期视频，讲女生要多做自媒体。她说，可能很多女性会觉得，现在互联网环境对女性话题的指摘和割裂很严重，自己并不够资格出来扛着女性的大旗喊话，但她完全不赞同。她说当然有很多女性并不具备雄厚的女性主义专业知识，但是每一名女性都在过自己非常真实的人生，所以每位女性一定都有海量的经验可以分享。把视线从拍美美的照片上移出来一点，更多的去表达，去发言，一定会带来更高的收益，也一定会给其他地方的陌生女性带来很大的感悟和更加多元的视角。

这个视频给了我很大触动，刚好那段时间我看了电影《我，许可》，对里面很多内容都特别有共鸣，比如母胎单身、约会下头时刻、性这些，都让我有很多话想说，于是就尝试录了口播视频。

没想到第一条发出去，就获得了对我来说相当多的曝光，也收获了很多夸奖。这给了我很大信心，因为做穿搭时，我从来没有被这么多人看到过。之后我就决定，把更多注意力放到表达上。 

这个转变对账号和受众的影响，我觉得主要是让我的形象变得更全面、更立体了。

以前关注我的人，可能是喜欢我的穿搭、个性、长相，或者作为一个时尚博主营造出来的美丽内容。但后来很多观众看到我的口播内容后，也很有共鸣，甚至更支持我了。其中也包括一些做穿搭的博主，她们发现，一个看起来只是发美美照片的人，其实也有自己的思考。或许博主不一定要一直美美的，有时候放下“美”，反而会让人更喜欢你。我的账号也因此呈现出一个更完整的女性形象。

2. 现在社交媒体上经常出现“独立女性”这个词。对你来说，什么才是真正的“独立女性”？你觉得网络上的“独立女性”形象和现实中的女性生活之间存在差距吗？

对我来说，真正的独立女性，不是活成某种标准答案，而是拥有选择权。可以按自己的意愿去选择、去生活。可以坚强，也可以脆弱；可以靠自己，也可以接受帮助、依靠他人。

独立不是“我必须AA制”“我必须什么事都自己扛”。一旦这些变成衡量女性是否独立的标准，就成了一种新的束缚。

至于网络上的“独立女性”形象和现实中的女性生活，我觉得差距很大。网上经常把独立女性浪漫化，比如过年不回家、到处旅行、给晚辈发红包的“小姨”。看起来活得很洒脱，但现实中，很多选择在外打拼、不结婚不恋爱的女性，其实过得并不轻松。她们要面对经济压力、孤独、家庭催婚和社会评判。如果一个女性想要在事业上爬到很高的位置，她往往要比男性付出更多，甚至牺牲个人生活、恋爱和家庭。网络上的独立女性形象，常常只展示了光鲜的一面，却忽略了现实中的代价和结构性不平等。

3. 有人认为化妆、穿搭等审美文化是在迎合“男性凝视”，也有人认为这是女性自我表达和掌控身体的一种方式。作为曾经的时尚博主，你怎么看待时尚、美丽和女性主义之间的关系？

我不觉得时尚、美丽和女性主义是对立的。爱美可以说是人的天性，时尚和穿搭对我来说是一种无法割舍的自我表达。美不一定等于“好看”，也不一定要符合大众审美，它更多是一种创造和表达。

关于“男性凝视”，我觉得审美文化当然可能被男性凝视和消费主义影响，但不能因此简单判定每个化妆、穿搭的女性都是在迎合。女性主义要做的是批判结构，而不是审判个体。

但女性主义确实改变了我跟“美”的关系。以前我会焦虑，觉得出门必须化妆、必须打扮得美美的。女性主义让我意识到，我有不美的权利，也有选择美或不美的自由。我可以精心打扮，也可以舒适随意地出门，不必太在乎别人的眼光。重点不是“必须美”，也不是“必须不美”，而是我可以自己选。

我也不认为女性主义应该成为审判女性的新标准。不能因为一个女生化妆、做美甲，就说她不够清醒、不够女性主义；同样，也不能因为我不做美甲，就觉得自己更清醒、更有主体性。我曾经在服装店做导购时，对一位有美甲的女同事说，我自己从不做美甲，话说出口我意识到：我是不是在把“脱美役”变成一种比较？如果有一天一个没有化妆的女生在我打扮得美美的时候说“我从不化妆、我脱美役了”，我难道要因为自己化妆而羞愧吗？我觉得不应该这样。

4. 你如何看待近年来中国年轻女性越来越公开地讨论性、欲望、身体和性自主？你认为“性解放”对于中国女性来说意味着什么？它是否也可能带来新的压力或矛盾？

看到越来越多中国年轻女性公开讨论性、欲望、身体和性自主，我非常开心，这是很大的进步。因为性话题长期被视为一种禁忌，很多人一提到性就回避，感到羞耻。

我觉得“性解放”对中国女性积极的意义，是打破传统性道德的束缚。传统观念里，女性常被“贞洁观”和“性羞耻”禁锢。性解放让我们重新审视自己的性权利，把身体和性从“奉献”与“生育”工具中剥离出来，开始把性当成个人愉悦和自主选择的一部分。这是一种从“性客体”到“性主体”的转变。

但它也确实会带来新的压力和矛盾。

第一，女性追求性自由时，还是会面临社会偏见，甚至被贴上“不检点”的标签。旧道德没消失，新观念又来了，很多女性夹在中间。

第二，社交媒体和商业环境会把“性解放”包装成一种新潮流。好像你必须性感、必须有经验、必须表现得开放，才够酷、够解放。我自己有段时间就因为没什么性经验，觉得不够酷、不够解放，甚至想装作经验十足、游刃有余的样子。后来我才意识到，这不是真正的性自主，而是在迎合另一种新标准。

第三，如果缺乏性教育和自我保护意识，“性自由”可能让女性面临意外怀孕、性病传播、情感欺骗这些风险。尤其很多女性其实是在很被动的情况下进入性关系的，代价却往往由自己承担。

更重要的是，女性并没有因为“性解放”就获得真正平等的性权利，两性在性关系里的权力并不对等。部分男性会利用“性解放”，把它变成随意获取女性身体的理由，导致女性在性关系中依然会被物化，也容易陷入情感上的弱势。

所以我觉得，性解放不是要求女性必须“性积极”，而是女性有权决定自己如何看待和对待性。我喜欢的性别学者 Alexwood 曾说过：“识别自己的欲望和情感哪些是被父权塑造的，哪些是自己真实的需求，从而获得真正的性愉悦。”我特别认同这句话。

5. 现在网络上出现了很多关于“不婚不育”“远离男人”“女性要把自己放在第一位”等讨论。你如何看待当代女性主义与恋爱、婚姻以及异性亲密关系之间的关系？

我理解这些声音的出现。我觉得在女性主义发展的内部，这几乎是一个必然阶段。因为现实里，异性恋亲密关系对女性来说，往往意味着更多情绪劳动、家务劳动、生育代价，还有被背叛、被消耗的风险。女性主义让更多人看清了这些结构性问题。所以有人选择退出、喊出口号，这本身既是一种清醒的自我保护，也是一种急切地想提醒其他女性的方式。

但我觉得，女性主义不是要禁止女性进入关系，也不是要强迫女性远离男人。“不婚不育”“远离男人”可以是女性主义的一种实践，但不该成为唯一正确的标准。

我自己很长一段时间都错误地以为：只要我对男性产生欲望，或者享受了异性互动里的愉悦，就是在迎合男性、背叛女性主义。也因此反复压抑自己，不停和自己的内心做斗争。

直到我看到Alexwood 给出的回答，她的话对我特别有帮助。她说：

“‘不沾男’的实践不应该为恐慌感驱使。年轻女孩愈发警惕异性恋性实践中可能的利用和剥削，担忧自己吃亏，但一味地退避无法让我们壮大，我们可能要经历与男性视线的交涉，与之对抗，最终才能到达一个安全舒展的自我位置。

而无论我们最终做什么选择，也可能是‘不沾男’，这个决定应该是因为‘我想做’，而不是因为‘做这件事刚好让男性愉悦了所以我不做’。那不是‘女本位’，而依然是在让男性的需要指导自己。”

所以我觉得，女性主义和恋爱、婚姻、异性亲密关系之间，不是非此即彼的对立关系。你可以选择不沾男，也可以选择进入异性恋关系，但无论怎么选，都应该是你真心想要的，而不是被推着走。

6. 你觉得中国社会目前是如何定义一个“好母亲”的？女性主义如何改变了年轻女性对母职、生育和家庭责任的理解？选择成为母亲和拒绝成为母亲，在你看来分别面临哪些社会压力？

我觉得中国社会对“好母亲”的定义，默认就是要她把孩子放在绝对中心，投入大量时间、精力和情感。社会一直在把母爱神圣化，好像母亲天生就该无私奉献。孩子优秀是妈妈教得好，孩子出错是妈妈没教好。这样的标准下，“好母亲”不是一个可以轻松达到的状态，而是一个要你永远觉得“还不够”的自我要求。

女性主义对年轻女性的改变，我觉得最重要的一点是：它让“成为母亲”从一种仿佛天经地义的事，变成了一个需要被审视的“选择”。以前女性不太会想“我为什么要生孩子”，因为答案是不言自明的。但现在越来越多女性会想：是我真正想要的，还是社会、家庭在推着我走？

选择成为母亲，面临的压力是多重的。最直接的是“母职惩罚”，女性因为生育和育儿，在职场上面临机会减少、晋升受阻、薪酬下降，甚至被迫中断职业。除了职场，还要面对个人生活上的挤压：你可能不得不放弃自己的兴趣、社交，甚至属于自己的时间。

选择拒绝成为母亲，面临的是另一种压力。最核心的是“不孝有三，无后为大”这句古训，它到今天仍然在发挥作用。在很多长辈眼里，不生孩子就是对父母的不孝。除此之外，还要面对“自私”“不完整”“以后会后悔”这些评判。

7. 在中国社交媒体上创作女性主义相关内容时，你遇到过哪些困难，比如限流、审核、评论区攻击、自我审查，或者为了避免争议而调整措辞？这些因素会影响你真正想表达的内容吗？

在中国社交媒体上创作女性主义内容，我遇到的最大困难就是限流和审核。尤其像小红书，审核非常不透明。近几个月，平台打击了大量女性博主。我自己的小红书账号只发了几个口播内容，后面因为发不出去就不发了，总体上还是一个穿搭账号，没有像抖音那样完全转型，但尽管如此，也依旧没能逃过小红书的“制裁”，历史笔记全被清了。而且很多时候，你根本不知道哪些话会被平台判定为有问题。有时候你发出去了，审核也通过了，但还是会被隐形限流。

在商业合作里，有时品牌为了避免争议，或者为了过审，会要求我把原本很一针见血的话改得温和一些。但在非商业合作的时候，我还是会直接说我想说的，只是会在字幕上做大量调整，把一些可能不让说的词换个说法打在字幕上，或者干脆不加字幕。我有时真的已经小心到，连跟女性主义无关的一些词也会换掉，因为我完全预料不到哪个词会踩到红线。我觉得自己换字幕的时候，像在做题。

总体来说，我是一个很坚守的人。就算改得温和一些，我也不会脱离我的原意。曾有过品牌不让我说我想说的，说怕引起对立，我就取消合作了。目前来说，这些调整还没有影响我真正想表达的内容。

8. 当“女性独立”“爱自己”“女性力量”等概念越来越具有商业价值时，你觉得女性主义是否也在被平台、品牌或创作者商品化？你如何区分真正的女性主义表达和为了流量而包装出来的“女性力量”？

我觉得女性主义在平台、品牌或创作者那里被商业化，这毫无疑问是正在发生的事。但我并不觉得这是一件坏事，反而觉得这是一个好的现象。

过去“爱自己”“女性力量”“女性独立”这些词根本不可能成为流量红利，不可能成为品牌愿意追捧的标签。而今天，这些正面的、关于女性自主的概念变成了有商业价值的东西，这何尝不是一种进步？

上野千鹤子老师在被问到“女性主义成为流量红利，是否需要警惕”时，她的回答是：“我觉得不需要警惕，应该热烈欢迎。”她说，现在是自下而上的时代，其中的“下”就是读者和消费者，所以企业也好、媒体也好，都要看消费者的脸色才能生存下去。

这样一来，如果高级品牌在产品上写“I am feminist（我是女性主义者）”或者“We should all be feminist（我们都应该做女权主义者）”这类设计然后畅销的话，虽然并不会因为这个就能推动女性主义发展，但穿这种T恤的男孩女孩们越来越多的话，大家就会觉得他们很酷，这本身也是一件好事吧。

所以怎么区分真正的女性主义表达和为了流量包装出来的“女性力量”？我觉得就是看内容本质，看它真正在表达什么，有没有偏离女性主义的初衷。如果只是打着女性力量的幌子，输出的内容却在贬低女性、物化女性，那当然不行。但如果它确实在讲女性故事、传递女性力量，哪怕出发点是流量，也已经是一种改变了。就像上野老师在《始于极限》里说的：“社会变革变的不是真心话，而是原则和场面话。”

9. 你觉得小红书、微博、抖音等平台上的女性主义讨论，在多大程度上真正改变了女性现实中的选择和生活？有没有哪些议题在网上非常热门，但和普通女性的现实经历其实存在距离？

我觉得改变还是很大的。小红书、微博、抖音这些平台，我都关注了一些讲女性议题的博主。不知不觉地，她们就改变了我很多想法，这些想法也会慢慢渗透到我生活中的每一个选择里。

要说网上非常热门、又和普通女性现实经历有距离的议题，我第一个想到的就是“大女主”叙事。

社交媒体上很流行那种事业成功、经济独立、到处旅行、不婚不育的“大女主”形象。它看起来很爽、很自由，但这种形象往往建立在一定的经济条件之上，不是所有女性都能轻易够到的。所以它和很多普通女性的现实生活之间，其实是有距离的。

现实中，我觉得大部分女性还是会选择结婚、进入婚姻，或者至少不排斥这条路。所以她们面对的，往往是更具体的困境：比如怎么在求职时应对婚育盘问，怎么在生育后不被职场边缘化，怎么在婚姻里保护自己的财产权益，怎么在离婚后争取孩子的抚养权。

但在现在的环境里，这些议题本身就不太被鼓励公开讨论，所以网上很少有人讲，这也可以理解。就算有人讲，很多时候也是在指出不公。这当然很重要，但很少有人能继续告诉你，或者分享自己的经验，在这样的现实里到底可以怎么办。这些议题在女性主义的讨论里甚至可能不太受欢迎，因为很容易被一句“你不结婚不就行了”堵回去。但它们也确实是很多普通女性真实生活中要面对的东西。

10. 从你开始创作到现在，你观察到中国年轻女性对于性别、独立、身体、婚姻和母职的态度发生了哪些变化？如果展望未来五到十年，你最希望中国女性主义发生什么变化？

在性别上，越来越多女性愿意公开自称女性主义者，也敢于讨论性别不平等。在独立上，大家从过去追求“独立女性”这个标签，慢慢开始反思这个标签本身是不是另一种束缚。在身体上，女性更敢于公开谈论性和欲望，性羞耻在慢慢被打破。在婚姻上，不婚不育的讨论越来越多，女性开始把婚姻看作一个可选项，而不是人生必经之路。在母职上，年轻女性对“好母亲”的定义更警惕了，不再默认母亲就该牺牲自己。

如果展望未来五到十年，我最希望的是，中国女性主义内部的分裂能不要那么严重。现在网上很容易因为一个议题就站队、互骂、贴标签，好像只有某一种活法才是对的。我也希望“女性主义者”这个身份能变得不那么沉重，不要让人一听到就觉得有门槛，好像必须做到什么程度才配得上这个头衔。不是只有读了理论、喊了口号的人才能叫女性主义者，每一个认真过自己生活的女性，都可以是女性主义者。

你可以选择不婚不育，也可以选择结婚生子；可以选择拼事业，也可以选择回归家庭。每一种活法，其实都是在给其他女性提供一个范本。当越来越多的女性按自己的方式活着，并且被看见，女性主义就不再只是一个口号，而是变成了无数条真实存在的、可以走的路。

On social media, terms like “independent woman,” “female empowerment,” and “self-love” have become increasingly popular labels. From the “strong female lead” narrative celebrating women who reject marriage and motherhood to discussions surrounding the rejection of beauty standards and sexual liberation, young Chinese women are turning to the internet to reconsider their relationships with their bodies, desires, marriage, and self-worth. Yet as feminism increasingly becomes a marketable lifestyle, and as “independence” is fashioned into another set of expectations, how should we understand genuine female autonomy?

Paopao is a feminist content creator and fashion influencer. From sharing outfit inspirations to openly discussing gender biases, intimate relationships, and female desire, her creative journey reflects the evolving landscape of women's self-expression on Chinese social media. For her, feminism does not mean rejecting beauty, but rather ensuring that women have the freedom to choose how they want to live.

In this interview, we spoke with Paopao about the gap between the online ideal of the “independent woman” and women's lived realities, the commercialization and censorship of feminist expression, and the complexities of sexual liberation and intimate relationships. Drawing on her personal experiences, she addresses a question at the heart of contemporary feminist discourse: As women begin to free themselves from traditional societal expectations, how can we avoid creating another set of standards that we are expected to follow?

Introduction:

I’m Paopao, a feminist content creator and fashion influencer. Fashion and self-expression are both outlets for me. I’m good at drawing on my personal experiences to unpack the gender biases and patriarchal structures that surround us. I love talking about sex, desire, and the real struggles and dilemmas women face in everyday life. I hope my account can give you a little strength and courage to keep moving forward.

1. You initially focused on fashion and outfit-related content. What prompted you to begin discussing feminism, gender issues, and women’s experiences? How did this transition affect your account and audience?

This transition didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process.

Even when I first started sharing fashion content, I would occasionally incorporate feminist perspectives, gender issues, and my personal experiences. The format was relatively casual: I might post screenshots of conversations with friends, write short reflections, or share podcasts and videos that I found inspiring. As a woman, the gender biases and male gaze I encountered in everyday life constantly pushed me to speak out.

But back then, I was still in college and had no real concept of building a social media presence. It wasn’t until after graduation that I decided to take content creation seriously. I began filming outfit videos outside of work, fully determined to become a fashion influencer. Through that process, I learned how to produce content professionally: filming, appearing on camera, designing thumbnails, and writing titles. It also helped me become more confident in front of the camera.

Once my fashion content started gaining some traction, my desire to be seen grew stronger. I wanted to become popular, even famous. But I also realized that social media content needs to provide value to others. Otherwise, even if one video goes viral, it won’t necessarily translate into a loyal audience. So I tried making videos explaining my outfit coordination strategies. But I struggled to stick to a specific niche, and those videos didn’t gain much attention.

The real turning point came when I watched a video by a female creator I admire, “Hunshen Meimao” (浑身没毛), encouraging more women to become content creators.

She said that many women might feel intimidated by the current online environment, where discussions of women’s issues are often met with criticism and polarization. They might feel unqualified to speak on behalf of feminism. But she strongly disagreed with that mindset.

She argued that while many women may not possess extensive academic knowledge of feminist theory, every woman is living her own authentic life. That means every woman has a wealth of experiences worth sharing. If women shift even a little of their attention away from taking beautiful photos and toward expressing themselves and speaking out, they will not only gain more personally but also offer unfamiliar women elsewhere valuable insights and more diverse perspectives.

That video deeply resonated with me.

Around the same time, I watched the film It’s OK (《我，许可》), and I related to so many of its themes, including never having been in a relationship, disappointing dating experiences, and sex. I suddenly had so much I wanted to say, so I decided to try recording a talking-head video.

To my surprise, my very first video received what felt like an enormous amount of exposure, along with many compliments. It gave me tremendous confidence because I had never received that level of attention when creating fashion content.

After that, I decided to devote more of my energy to expressing my thoughts.

I think the biggest impact of this transition was that it made my online persona more complete and multidimensional.

Previously, people might have followed me because they liked my outfits, personality, appearance, or the beautiful imagery I created as a fashion influencer. But after seeing my talking-head videos, many viewers found my experiences relatable and became even more supportive.

That included other fashion influencers, who realized that someone who appeared to do nothing more than post pretty pictures could also have her own thoughts and perspectives.

Perhaps influencers don’t always have to look beautiful. Sometimes, letting go of the expectation to be beautiful actually makes people appreciate you more.

My account has therefore become a space where a more complete image of womanhood can emerge.

2. The term “independent woman” frequently appears on social media today. What does being a truly independent woman mean to you? Do you think there is a gap between the online image of the “independent woman” and women’s actual lives?

To me, a truly independent woman is not someone who lives according to a particular set of standards. She is someone who has the freedom to choose.

She can make decisions and live according to her own wishes. She can be strong, but she can also be vulnerable. She can rely on herself, but she can also accept help and depend on others.

Independence doesn’t mean “I must always split the bill equally” or “I must handle everything on my own.” Once these behaviors become standards for judging whether a woman is independent, they turn into another form of restriction.

As for the gap between the online image of independent women and their actual lives, I think it is enormous.

Online, independence is often romanticized. For example, there is the popular image of the unmarried, child-free aunt who skips family gatherings during the Lunar New Year, travels everywhere, and gives generous red envelopes to younger relatives.

She appears carefree and liberated.

But in reality, many women who choose to build careers away from home, remain unmarried, or avoid romantic relationships do not necessarily lead easy lives. They face financial pressures, loneliness, family expectations to marry, and social judgment.

If a woman wants to rise to a high position in her career, she often has to work harder than a man, sometimes at the expense of her personal life, romantic relationships, or family.

The online image of the independent woman often showcases only the glamorous side of independence while overlooking its real costs and the structural inequalities women continue to face.

3. Some argue that makeup, fashion, and beauty culture cater to the “male gaze,” while others see them as forms of female self-expression and bodily autonomy. As a former fashion influencer, how do you understand the relationship between fashion, beauty, and feminism?

I don’t think fashion, beauty, and feminism are inherently opposed to one another.

The desire for beauty can be considered part of human nature, and fashion and styling are indispensable forms of self-expression for me.

Beauty doesn’t necessarily mean being conventionally attractive, nor does it have to conform to mainstream aesthetic standards. To me, beauty is more about creativity and expression.

Regarding the male gaze, I certainly think beauty culture can be influenced by both the male gaze and consumerism. But that doesn’t mean we should automatically assume that every woman who wears makeup or enjoys fashion is catering to men.

Feminism should critique structures, not judge individuals.

That said, feminism has fundamentally changed my relationship with beauty.

I used to feel anxious about my appearance. I thought I had to wear makeup and look beautiful whenever I went out.

Feminism helped me realize that I have the right not to be beautiful, just as I have the freedom to choose whether or not to pursue beauty.

I can dress up carefully, or I can go out comfortably and casually without worrying too much about what others think.

The point is not that I must be beautiful, nor that I must not be beautiful. The point is that I get to choose.

I also don’t think feminism should become another standard used to judge women.

We shouldn’t tell a girl that she is insufficiently feminist or enlightened simply because she wears makeup or gets her nails done. Likewise, I shouldn’t consider myself more enlightened or autonomous just because I don’t get manicures.

I remember when I worked as a sales assistant in a clothing store, I once told a female coworker who had manicured nails that I never got my nails done.

As soon as I said it, I realized something: Was I turning the rejection of beauty expectations, or tuo meiyi (脱美役), into a form of comparison?

If one day, when I was all dressed up, another girl who wasn’t wearing makeup told me, “I never wear makeup. I’ve freed myself from beauty standards,” should I feel ashamed of wearing makeup?

I don’t think I should.

4. How do you view the growing willingness of young Chinese women to openly discuss sex, desire, the body, and sexual autonomy? What does “sexual liberation” mean for Chinese women, and might it also create new pressures or contradictions?

I’m very happy to see more young Chinese women openly discussing sex, desire, their bodies, and sexual autonomy. I think this represents significant progress.

For a long time, sex has been treated as a taboo subject. Many people avoid talking about it or feel ashamed whenever it comes up.

To me, the positive significance of sexual liberation for Chinese women lies in breaking free from traditional sexual morality.

Historically, women have often been constrained by ideals of chastity and sexual shame.

Sexual liberation allows us to reconsider our sexual rights and separate our bodies and sexuality from their traditional roles as instruments of service and reproduction. It allows us to begin understanding sex as part of personal pleasure and autonomous choice.

This represents a transformation from being a sexual object to becoming a sexual subject.

But sexual liberation can also introduce new pressures and contradictions.

First, women who pursue sexual freedom still face social prejudice and may be labeled “promiscuous” or “indecent.” Traditional morality has not disappeared, even as new ideas have emerged. Many women find themselves caught between the two.

Second, social media and commercial culture can package sexual liberation as a fashionable new trend.

It can begin to seem as though you must be sexy, sexually experienced, and openly adventurous to be considered cool or liberated.

I personally went through a period when I felt that my lack of sexual experience made me less cool or less liberated. I even wanted to pretend that I was experienced and completely comfortable navigating sexual relationships.

Later, I realized that this was not genuine sexual autonomy. I was simply conforming to another set of expectations.

Third, without adequate sex education and awareness of self-protection, sexual freedom can expose women to risks such as unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and emotional manipulation.

Many women enter sexual relationships under circumstances in which they have relatively little power, yet they are often the ones who bear the consequences.

More importantly, sexual liberation has not automatically granted women equal sexual rights. Power remains unevenly distributed between men and women in sexual relationships.

Some men exploit the rhetoric of sexual liberation to justify unrestricted access to women’s bodies. As a result, women may continue to be objectified and placed in emotionally vulnerable positions.

So I don’t think sexual liberation means women must be sexually active or embrace a sex-positive identity.

Rather, it means women have the right to decide for themselves how they understand and approach sex.

A gender studies scholar I admire, Alexwood, once said something along the lines of:

“Identify which of your desires and emotions have been shaped by patriarchy and which reflect your genuine needs, so that you can achieve authentic sexual pleasure.”

I strongly agree with that perspective.

5. Online discussions increasingly feature ideas such as “remaining unmarried and child-free,” “staying away from men,” and “women should put themselves first.” How do you understand the relationship between contemporary feminism and romantic relationships, marriage, and heterosexual intimacy?

I understand why these ideas have emerged.

I think this is almost an inevitable stage in the development of feminist discourse.

In reality, heterosexual intimate relationships often require women to take on more emotional labor, domestic work, and reproductive costs. They also expose women to risks of betrayal, exploitation, and emotional exhaustion.

Feminism has helped more women recognize these structural problems.

So when some women choose to withdraw from heterosexual relationships or adopt slogans encouraging others to do the same, I see this both as a conscious form of self-protection and as an urgent attempt to warn other women.

But I don’t believe feminism should prohibit women from entering relationships or force them to distance themselves from men.

Remaining unmarried and child-free, or choosing not to engage with men, can be feminist practices. But they should not become the only acceptable ones.

For a long time, I mistakenly believed that whenever I felt desire toward men or enjoyed the pleasure of heterosexual interactions, I was catering to men and betraying feminism.

Because of that, I repeatedly suppressed my feelings and struggled internally.

That changed when I encountered an answer from Alexwood that helped me enormously.

She said:

The practice of avoiding men should not be driven by fear. Young women are becoming increasingly cautious about the potential exploitation and harm involved in heterosexual sexual relationships, and they worry about being taken advantage of. But constant avoidance alone will not make us stronger. We may need to negotiate with the male gaze, confront it, and ultimately find a position in which we feel safe and at ease with ourselves.

Whatever choice we ultimately make, even if that choice is to avoid men, it should come from “this is what I want,” rather than “I refuse to do this because it happens to please men.” The latter is not truly woman-centered; it still allows men’s desires to dictate our choices.

So I don’t see feminism and romantic relationships, marriage, or heterosexual intimacy as mutually exclusive.

You can choose to avoid relationships with men, or you can choose to enter a heterosexual relationship.

What matters is that your decision comes from your genuine desires rather than external pressure.

6. How do you think Chinese society currently defines a “good mother”? How has feminism changed young women’s understanding of motherhood, childbirth, and family responsibilities? What social pressures do women face when choosing either to become mothers or to remain child-free?

I think Chinese society generally defines a “good mother” as someone who places her children at the absolute center of her life, devoting enormous amounts of time, energy, and emotional attention to them.

Society has long idealized maternal love, as though mothers are naturally supposed to sacrifice themselves without expecting anything in return.

When a child succeeds, people say the mother raised them well. When a child makes mistakes, people blame the mother for failing to educate them properly.

Under these expectations, being a “good mother” is not an easily attainable state. It becomes a constant demand to feel that you are never doing enough.

I think the most important change feminism has brought to young women is that it has transformed motherhood from something seemingly natural and inevitable into a choice that deserves careful consideration.

In the past, women might not have asked themselves, “Why should I have children?” because the answer seemed self-evident.

But now, more women are beginning to ask: Is this something I genuinely want, or am I being pushed toward it by society and my family?

Women who choose motherhood face multiple pressures.

The most immediate is the motherhood penalty.

Because of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare responsibilities, women may experience reduced career opportunities, barriers to promotion, lower wages, or even forced interruptions to their careers.

Beyond the workplace, motherhood can also significantly restrict a woman’s personal life. She may have to give up her hobbies, social activities, or even time that belongs entirely to herself.

Women who choose not to become mothers face a different kind of pressure.

One of the most deeply rooted ideas is the traditional saying, “Of the three forms of unfilial conduct, having no descendants is the greatest” (不孝有三，无后为大).

This belief continues to influence society today.

In the eyes of many older family members, refusing to have children is an act of disobedience or a failure to fulfill one's filial responsibilities.

Women who remain child-free may also be labeled “selfish,” “incomplete,” or told that they will inevitably regret their decision.

7. What difficulties have you encountered when creating feminist content on Chinese social media, such as reduced visibility, content moderation, hostile comments, self-censorship, or pressure to soften your language? Have these factors affected what you truly want to express?

The biggest difficulties I’ve encountered when creating feminist content on Chinese social media are reduced visibility and content moderation.

On Xiaohongshu in particular, the moderation process is extremely opaque.

In recent months, the platform has taken action against a large number of female content creators.

I only posted a few talking-head videos on my Xiaohongshu account. Later, because I could no longer publish them successfully, I stopped trying.

Overall, my Xiaohongshu account remained primarily fashion-focused. Unlike my Douyin account, it never fully transitioned into feminist commentary.

Even so, I still couldn’t escape Xiaohongshu’s restrictions. All of my previous posts were wiped.

And often, you simply have no idea which words or expressions the platform might consider problematic.

Sometimes a post is successfully published and passes moderation, yet its visibility is still quietly restricted.

In commercial collaborations, brands sometimes ask me to soften statements that were originally very direct or incisive, either to avoid controversy or to pass content review.

But when I'm not working on sponsored content, I still say what I genuinely want to say.

I do, however, make extensive adjustments to subtitles. I replace potentially sensitive terms with alternative expressions, or sometimes remove subtitles altogether.

At times, I’ve become so cautious that I even replace words unrelated to feminism, because I genuinely cannot predict which expression might cross an invisible line.

Whenever I edit subtitles, I feel as though I’m solving an exam question.

Overall, I’m someone who stands firmly by my principles.

Even when I soften my wording, I refuse to compromise my original meaning.

There was once a brand that wouldn't allow me to say what I wanted because it feared provoking conflict. I ended up canceling the collaboration.

So far, I don't think these adjustments have changed what I truly want to express.

8. As concepts such as “female independence,” “self-love,” and “female empowerment” become increasingly commercially valuable, do you think feminism is being commodified by platforms, brands, or content creators? How do you distinguish genuine feminist expression from “female empowerment” packaged for engagement and profit?

I think feminism is undoubtedly being commercialized by platforms, brands, and content creators.

But I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing. In fact, I think it can be a positive development.

In the past, terms like “self-love,” “female empowerment,” and “female independence” could never have become profitable trends or labels that brands actively embraced.

Today, these positive concepts centered on women’s autonomy have acquired commercial value.

Isn't that, in itself, a form of progress?

When the feminist scholar Chizuko Ueno was asked whether we should be wary of feminism becoming a source of online popularity and commercial profit, she responded:

“I don't think we need to be wary. We should welcome it enthusiastically.”

She explained that we now live in an era of bottom-up influence, in which ordinary readers and consumers constitute the “bottom.”

Businesses and media organizations must pay attention to consumers' preferences in order to survive.

So if a luxury brand puts slogans like “I am a feminist” or “We should all be feminists” on its products and those products sell well, that alone may not directly advance feminism.

But if more boys and girls start wearing these T-shirts and people increasingly see feminism as something cool, isn't that a positive thing in itself?

As for how to distinguish genuine feminist expression from female empowerment packaged purely for engagement, I think we need to examine the substance of the content.

What is it actually communicating? Has it departed from feminism's original purpose?

If something uses female empowerment as a marketing slogan while simultaneously degrading or objectifying women, then of course that's a problem.

But if the content genuinely tells women's stories and communicates messages of female empowerment, then even if its original motivation was to attract attention, it has already contributed to some degree of change.

As Ueno writes in Starting from the Limits (《始于极限》):

“Social change does not transform what people truly think; it transforms principles and what people say publicly.”

9. To what extent do you think feminist discussions on platforms such as Xiaohongshu, Weibo, and Douyin have genuinely changed women's choices and everyday lives? Are there any issues that are highly popular online but disconnected from the experiences of ordinary women?

I think these discussions have brought about substantial changes.

I follow several creators who discuss women's issues on Xiaohongshu, Weibo, and Douyin.

Without my even realizing it, they have changed many of my perspectives, and those new ways of thinking have gradually influenced the choices I make in everyday life.

If I had to identify a popular online discourse that feels disconnected from the lives of ordinary women, the first thing that comes to mind would be the “strong female lead” (大女主) narrative.

Social media is full of images of women who are professionally successful, financially independent, constantly traveling, and choosing not to marry or have children.

It's an exhilarating image of freedom and autonomy.

But this lifestyle often depends on a certain level of financial privilege, which is not easily accessible to all women.

So there is a real gap between this idealized image and the lived experiences of many ordinary women.

In reality, I think most women will still choose marriage or at least remain open to the possibility.

As a result, they often face more concrete dilemmas: How should they respond to questions about marriage and childbirth during job interviews? How can they avoid being marginalized in the workplace after having children? How can they protect their property rights within marriage? How can they fight for child custody after divorce?

But in the current environment, these topics are not particularly encouraged in public discussion, so relatively few people address them online.

And even when people do discuss them, the conversation often stops at identifying injustice.

Of course, identifying injustice is important.

But very few people go further and share practical experiences or explain what women can actually do within these realities.

These issues may even be somewhat unpopular in feminist discussions because they can easily be dismissed with a simple response: “Why don't you just avoid marriage?”

Yet these are precisely the problems many ordinary women must confront in their daily lives.

10. Since you began creating content, what changes have you observed in young Chinese women's attitudes toward gender, independence, the body, marriage, and motherhood? Looking ahead five to ten years, what changes would you most like to see in Chinese feminism?

In terms of gender, more women are willing to openly identify as feminists and speak about gender inequality.

In terms of independence, women are gradually moving beyond simply aspiring to the label of “independent woman” and beginning to question whether the label itself has become another form of restriction.

In terms of the body, women are becoming more comfortable discussing sex and desire publicly, and sexual shame is gradually being challenged.

In terms of marriage, discussions about remaining unmarried and child-free have become increasingly common. Women are beginning to see marriage as an option rather than an inevitable stage of life.

In terms of motherhood, young women are becoming more critical of traditional definitions of the “good mother.” They no longer automatically accept the idea that mothers should sacrifice themselves.

Looking ahead five to ten years, what I hope for most is that the divisions within Chinese feminism will become less severe.

Right now, online discussions can quickly turn into people taking sides, attacking one another, and attaching labels to others over a single issue.

It's as though only one way of living can be considered correct. I also hope that identifying as a feminist will become less intimidating. I don't want people to feel that feminism is a title they must earn by meeting certain requirements. It shouldn't seem as though you have to accomplish particular things before you deserve to call yourself a feminist.

You don't have to study feminist theory or chant slogans to be a feminist. Every woman who seriously engages with her own life can be a feminist. You can choose to remain unmarried and child-free, or you can choose to marry and have children. You can pursue an ambitious career, or you can choose to devote yourself to family life. Each way of living offers other women a possible model. When more women are able to live on their own terms, and when those lives are seen and recognized, feminism will no longer be merely a slogan. It will become countless real, visible paths that women can choose to walk.

Interviewed by: Penny Wei